by Dotted Green Sparrow
I notice how when I’m with a group of people and I try to whisper something to the closest one to me, almost instantaneously all heads would gravitate closer towards me as if by some kind of magnetic pull. It’s not a wonder to me why lovers would whisper all the time. It’s intimate. The expression goes beyond just the words we utter. Somehow whispering doubles or even triples the weight of what we say. That’s the kind of power whispering has. It draws us.
I notice that God does not yell no matter how badly I mess up. Instead, He whispers to my heart. God, my lover, would say in a still and assuring voice “you are free to choose” even though He knows there’s a big possibility my imperfect choice will hurt Him. Then with a tight embrace, He takes it to a whisper “Beloved, please choose me.”
That’s an almost every day occurrence in my struggling spiritual life. God asks me to choose Him and His ways and His will along with His timing. He shouldn’t have to beg. He shouldn’t have to keep repeating Himself. God can change anything in my life any which way He pleases and He doesn’t need to consult with me. But I’m stubborn. I feel I am entitled to know the why and the how even though I’m really not. Sometimes I think I’m powerful when the truth is all I am is fearful. I don’t listen well. He said so many times not to fear.
The thing with God and His ways and His will and His timing is that it’s not always easy. So when His will looks scary on the onset I change course and do it my way instead. What I must truly take to heart is that when God created everything He filled it with pieces of Himself. There is no space where God is not present. Even in my guilt, confusion, anger, and questions He is there. That’s the very reason why He kept repeating we must not fear, “for I am with you” He said.
God never asked to do what’s easy. He will ask to do what’s right because He wants His best for me. That’s where I struggle for peace between my mind and heart. They don’t always want the same thing. But I realize that when I opt for God’s plan instead of my own I will find that my head and my heart will finally agree.
He will wait until I develop the courage to obey. Even if I pull away He will find ways to draw me close. Even if I don’t always hear Him I know He whispers to me “Beloved, please choose me.” So its either I ask God to speak louder or I could just listen better as every good daughter should.